What is Leadership?

Leadership is the ability to impact and influence others.

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to shadow the CEO of a major technology company for one day. That one day changed my life forever. Walking through the hallways of his company, hearing him interact on phone calls and watching him tackle projects and challenges was like nothing I ever had seen before.

He was a human behavior hacker.Every single one of his actions was based on how humans work. Throughout the day, he would turn to me secretly and whisper the explanation behind the behavior we just had witnessed. That day was the start of my fascination with people and the hidden forces that make us tick. Since then, I have studied hundreds of leaders like him, looking
for patterns. ?
16 Essential Leadership Skills  

#1 : Go for the Small Yes  

Leaders are extremely adept at getting people to buy into ideas —even ones they might not normally say yes to. Two researchers, Jonathan Freedman and Scott Fraser, decided to test exactly how to get people to do something. They went door-to-door in a small neighborhood and asked people if they would put up a large sign on their front lawn that said “Drive Carefully.”

Only 20 percent of the people contacted said they would put up the sign in their yard. I actually was surprised a full 20 percent said yes, but it was still a small percentage. Then they asked people if they would put up a smaller three-inch sign saying “Drive Carefully” in their window. Many more people said yes to this. Then the researchers came back three weeks later and asked those same people to put up the much bigger sign in their yard. This time, 76 percent of the people said they would put the larger sign on their lawn.

What does this study tell us? A LOT. It’s the perfect example of how asking for a small request first will help you get a ‘yes’ to a bigger request later. Why does this work? People who first put up the small sign began to feel helpful. They also made a verbal as well as written agreement with the researchers to drive safely. In fact, these people most likely felt like very good citizens for putting up the sign.


Therefore, when researchers returned and asked people to put up the larger sign, they had very few barriers to break. The homeowners already had been in agreement with the researchers, already had thought of themselves as helpful citizens and already had changed the look of their house by adding a message. Making it bigger would take a very small mental change, and this is why 76 percent said yes the second time.

#2 : Embrace the Pygmalion Effect  

If you want to motivate the people around you, put away your wallet. Don’t offer a bonus, instead break out the compliments. A study by Professor Norihiro Sadato and his associates focusing on social rewards found that receiving praise–not cash–was the best way to motivate participants.

This is counter intuitive. Most of our society is structured around using cash motivators to increase our happiness. When you perform well at your job, you get a salary increase. When you want to reward an employee, you give them a bonus. When you need an incentive to motivate a child to do well, you dole out an allowance.

However, when researchers asked forty-eight participants to complete a finger-tapping activity, the groups that received praise for their performance showed a significantly higher rate of improvement relative to other participants. Why is this the case? First, the researchers discovered that social rewards such as praise are registered in the same part of the brain that lights up when the subject is rewarded with money! Second, when you assign someone a positive label, such as being highly intelligent or being a good person, that actually cues them up to live up to that label.


This is called the Pygmalion Effect. In one study about fundraising, the researchers told average donors that they were, in fact, among the highest donors. Can you guess what happened? Those donors then donated above average.

Takeaway

Leaders constantly give their team and those around them genuinely good labels (it doesn’t work if you are fake or manipulative.) They want everyone around them to live up to their best selves.


Give praise, not cash. Be sure to stick to positive truths. You can say, “You are one of our best customers” or “You’re such a pleasure to do business with.” In that way, they will actually want to be one of your best customers and try even harder to be a pleasure to do business with.

 #3 : Logic or Emotion?

Do you think the world’s greatest leaders primarily use logic or emotion? Our friends at Quantified Communications analyzed the communication patterns of the global leaders on Fortune’s 2016 list to see if they communicate differently.

They used their communication analytics platform to measure content samples from each leader. To measure persuasion, they analyzed three distinct tactics: logic, intuition and emotion.

Logic appeals to our heads and includes language that establishes reason, proof, and insight–citing research and statistics to support main arguments.
Intuition appeals to our gut. These appeals establish credibility through language that convinces audiences to see the speaker as an expert, including achievements, testimonials and case studies.
Emotion, of course, appeals to our hearts. These are the stories, the imagery and the metaphors that help audiences become personally invested in the message 
The researchers expected to see a combination of all three appeals. After all, a speaker’s job in crafting a persuasive argument is to understand the audience’s needs and create the right blend of appeals to head, gut and heart to meet those needs.

But Fortune’s greatest leaders used an unexpected blend. Instead of relying on logic, the world’s greatest leaders used 2.9x more appeals to emotion and 3.4x more appeals to intuition.


This preference for emotional and intuition-driven language was universal among the leaders on Fortune’s list, from politicians and corporate leaders to activists, journalists and artists.

Takeaway

Leaders use a blend of emotion, intuition and logic to appeal to their audiences, BUT focusing on the heart is more important than focusing on the head.


Don’t forget to make the emotional appeal to your audiences. Check out our example with Vanessa’s TedX London talk.

#4 : Choose the Right Seat at the Table 

First, leaders always get a seat at the table. That’s a given. But which seat is best? Leaders know how important body language and spacing is for perception. In fact, there is some fascinating research behind how and where we sit affects our interactions. If you walked into a conference room like the one pictured on the right, where would you sit?

The most powerful seat is seat “A”. Why? This seat is at the head of the table and is facing the door, so those sitting here can see everyone in the room as soon as they walk in. Here’s the catch — not all leaders want to sit in the most powerful seat all the time. If you are going into a room to watch someone else present, attend a negotiation, or be seen and not heard, you would want to pick a different seat.


Each seat means something different, and you should know the psychological layout of every room you enter.

 #5 : Avoid Empty Calorie Time 

Have you ever spent hours doing something and then realized later it was a complete waste of time? This is especially frustrating when the activity itself had absolutely no purpose or benefit. I call this empty calorie time—we waste time doing nothing, but still use valuable brain energy.

Leaders are extremely purposeful with their mental calories. They don’t waste mental energy on junk activities. They consume and stick with nutritious mental nuggets.

Here’s why we are sucked into empty calorie activities. We:

• Are too tired to do anything productive.
• Want to stop working, but feel too guilty to take a real break.
• Are bored.
• Are procrastinating to avoid a project or activity that we dread.

According to one study, when people were mind-wandering, they reported feeling happy only 56 percent of the time. That is because in mind-wandering, our brain can’t recuperate and it can’t build–it’s stuck in limbo. It’s like eating cotton candy when you are hungry–you are eating, but it isn’t helping much.

Takeaway

Leaders are extremely judicious with their mental energy. If they want to take a break, they take a real break–not watching TV or skimming Facebook. They let their mind take a real break with exercise, meditation, yoga or creative activities, which actually boost brain activity.


As more and more devices, games and social media networks enter into our lives, we have to protect our time. If you need a break, actually take a mental break–don’t fill it with empty calorie activities.

#6 : Ask Behavioral Questions

It’s often said that leaders ask great questions. But what does a ‘great question’ really mean? Truly great leaders ask questions that crack people open. This is a concept called Behavioral Interviewing.

Behavioral interview questions are designed to reveal the true nature of a candidate’s personality, motivations and values, so both the candidate and interviewer have a more productive interaction.

The right questions can unlock someone’s personality and help you get to know someone’s behavior. Here are some of my favorites:

• What’s something that you used to believe but no longer believe?
• Tell me about your best and worst days at work.
• You have two teleportation devices. Where do you place them and why?

 #7 : Set BIG Goals

Your goals should terrify you just a little bit.

In my recap of the book, Elite Minds, I talk about how you should be only 60% sure you are going to achieve your goal. It should make you sweat a little when you think about it. According to a study published online in the Journal of Consumer Research, being more ambitious actually makes you happier.

Those who set high goals are more satisfied than their counterparts with lower expectations. University of California-Riverside professor Cecile K. Cho had one group of research participants pick stocks and set a high target rate of return. They were told they could set a rate between 6 percent and 20 percent. The low goal-setters were not nearly as happy with their returns AND were more disappointed by their losses. The high goal-setters were more happy with their returns AND less disappointed by their losses.


When we set big goals, we get big rewards. Even if we lose, we feel like we gave it our best try, which is fulfilling in a different way.

#8 : Abandon Revenge. It’s Not Worth it.

Revenge is like throwing a hot coal at someone else—we burn our own hand more than the person we are trying to hurt. Study after study has found that when we make business or life decisions based upon revenge—or the desire to hurt someone else–we only end up losing money or having more difficulty ourselves. Here’s a few ways to curb vengeful thoughts:

Get perspective: Think of bigger problems to get your situation into perspective. Write it down: Expressive writing about your anger and resentment have been shown to eliminate these feelings entirely, giving you relief without having to act on your desire for revenge.

Do you know an alpha when you see one?

Alpha: The alpha is the individual in the community with the highest social rank.

We all know someone who has a natural magnetism. Someone who walks into a room and people look. Someone who speaks and people listen. Someone who was born to lead. Is that someone you? And if so, how do we know an alpha when we see one? Leaders have a very specific set of nonverbal behaviors that signal to others in the group and to the outside world that they are confident. Let’s test your knowledge of the body language of leaders:

What do leaders do? Smile less. Contrary to popular belief, smiling actually is seen as a sign of submission. Submissive people tend to smile more at alphas to show they are agreeable and non-threatening to their power. Alphas in turn (think Clint Eastwood or Francis Underwood) smile much less because their power is enough to put people in line. Women in particular need to be careful not to smile too much because it puts them in a submissive position. Dr. Nancy Henley found that women smile in 87 percent of social encounters, while men smile only 67 percent of the time.


What do leaders do? Embrace stillness. Leaders move less they because are observers, and others move around them. If you want to signal confidence and power, try not to fidget, pace or hop. Be in control of your nonverbal communication, just like you can be in control of a project or task. Stillness is perceived as more powerful and in control.

 #10 : Invest in Communication Skills

In our hyper-connected world, leaders have to be best-in-class communicators. And they have to do this in a variety of settings and across countless channels — from the phone to the boardroom to Slack to the elevator. Here are some fascinating facts for you:

Leaders spend 75 to 80 percent of their working hours communicating.
More than 60 percent of consumers say their perception of a CEO affects their opinion of the company as a whole.

Millennials, who account for 21 percent of consumer purchasing power, buy based on purpose and cause from brands they love, led by people they believe in.

With these heightened and evolving customer expectations, now more than ever, leaders need to serve as the very best role models for stellar executive communication. 

https://youtu.be/r6rtR6y9zuY

#11 : Talk to Yourself

Leaders talk to themselves in a very specific way. In other words, their self-talk sounds different than non-leaders. The popularity of the Law of Attraction and other philosophies that prescribe the use of positive mantras don’t quite get it right. Repeating in your head over and over again that you want to get a raise most likely will not affect your salary in any way. Instead, a review of more than 25 studies found that the most effective kind of self-talk is called “instructional self-talk.”

Instructional self-talk is the internal commentary that happens while we are trying to complete a challenging activity or task. For example, while completing a difficult report at work, your instructional self-talk might sound like, “Okay, open up Power-point, find a title image, make a chart on the recent statistics…” This kind of self-talk actually helps us in ways we just are beginning to understand.


Researchers believe it helps us battle distractions and keep us logical with our tasks. Researchers also found that self-talk is the most successful when thinkers first ruminate on their end-goal, make a plan and then walk through it. So, try planning out what you want to do before starting.

 #12 : Decide You Will Be Awesome  

Have you ever wondered what makes someone a world-renowned musician or a critically-acclaimed novelist? In 1997, Gary McPherson decided to study musicians—namely, what exactly contributed to a successful musician? Was it practice? Genetics? Environment? He studied 157 randomly selected kids as they picked and learned a musical instrument. Some went on to be professional musicians and others quit playing after they left school. He was looking for patterns. Were there traits or characteristics that all of the successful musicians had?

Amazingly, it was not the obvious ones. It was not IQ, aural sensitivity, math skills, natural rhythm or even their parents that dictated success. Only one question provided a clue indicating which students would be successful and which wouldn’t. He asked each participant before they even selected their instrument one question:

“How long do you think you will play the instrument you choose?”

The answer to this question predicted whether a student would be successful. If they thought they would play an instrument their whole life, they did better. If they thought they would play only temporarily, they did not play as well. Their success had nothing to do with skills—it was all about their attitude!

We do not need any inherent skills to be good at what we do. We only need an attitude that we are going to stick with it. Our minds and skill set will grow with us as we stick to our goals. How can we use McPherson’s study in our own life?

For more 40 years, John C. Maxwell has inspired individuals to live leadership. His valued advice to leaders is:


“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.” – John C. Maxwell

 #13 : Don’t Explain, Question

What are the conversations you have with yourself in your head? Researcher Albarracín Senay thought self-talk would be an interesting angle to study. He wanted to see if the sentence structure or the types of words our mind uses to talk to ourselves changes our plans and actions. He decided to test this by having participants in his experiment work on a set of anagrams where they had to change the words (like kale to lake). Before participants did this, Senay asked one group simply to think about whether they would work on anagrams, and he asked the other group just to think about the fact they would be doing anagrams soon. The first group went into wondering mode, “Will I?” The second group was gearing up to do something: “I will.”

Which group do you think did better? The group with the wondering minds did many more anagrams than the gearing up group! Participants who kept their minds open were more successful than those who were trying to will themselves. This seems illogical. Our will should make us more successful not less, right? Not always. Freedom of choice was given to the wonderers, and this might be an intrinsic motivation to do better.


Senay tried this again by having two groups of participants write out the statements: “Will I?” and “I will.” Then they had to work on anagrams. Again, the “Will I?” group performed better. Senay also wanted to try a real-life experiment. To do this, he had participants think about “Will I?” or “I will” before exercising. “Will I?” again produced a better commitment from volunteers to exercise. When they were asked about their new goals, those who had been primed in wondering mode stated positive motivations for exercise such as wanting to feel healthy and having a good lifestyle. While those who were trying to assert their will stated reasons such as guilt and shame for not working out!

#14 : Drive with Your Core

Over the course of six years, Jim Collins and Jerry Porras conducted a study at Stanford Graduate School of Business where they analyzed data on companies founded prior to 1950 (thus existing through several eras) and reached exceptional levels of success. From their study, they discovered surprising patterns that allowed visionary companies to surpass their competition. One of the key characteristics that sets visionary companies apart from their competition is they have a core ideology in place that drives almost every decision they make.

You can think of a core ideology like a vision statement except it’s much more actionable. It’s your values and the reasons why you do what you do; it’s what motivates you to keep going in hard times and embodies the factors you think about when making life’s most important decisions.

Whether you’re a big company like HP, developing innovative new technology, or a parent trying to raise your children as best as you can, having a clear, written core ideology can help you make decisions and prevent you from doing things you may regret. Because whenever you are in a situation where you don’t know what to do, your core ideology is there to guide you. You just have to make the decision that most closely matches your ideals.

How do you create a core ideology?

Make a list of your moral and ethical values. Add the characteristics you value most (creativity, compassion, friendliness, work ethic, etc.) Use those values and traits to create an actionable statement that embodies who you want to be and what you want to do with your life. Don’t worry about making it perfect. Your core ideology is purely for you and can be whatever you want it to be as long as it’s capable of guiding your life.

#15: Understand the Science of Gender Differences.

Men and women are wired differently. If you know how, it gives you an incredible leg up to leverage both genders’ strengths and weaknesses. Researchers Annis and Nesbitt found that these gender differences are neurological. Men and women actually think differently.

This means that men and women are processing differently during meetings, breaks and tasks. Women also develop their pre-frontal cortex at a younger age, which is why they take fewer risks as teenagers than males of the same age. Men, on the other hand, have a larger amygdala, which means they have more processing power for threats. This means that men tend to default to thinking about threats and competition, while women have more processing power for details and connecting issues.


This is why women often will include more details in their decision making, and they’ll verbalize those details during meetings or in conversations. This often is misinterpreted by male peers to mean that women’s deliberations take more time, when they actually do not.

#16 : Why is Good Leadership Important ?  

I’m going to tell you something crazy, and you’re not going to believe me. But it’s the hard truth:

Success doesn’t bring happiness. Happiness brings success.

The research on happiness is clear: if we want to be more successful, we should focus on happiness. If you’re like me, you have frequently thought, “When I achieve ___, I will be happy.” or “After I get ___, then I’ll be happy.” This doesn’t work! We have been studying happiness for more than four years at our lab, asking people inappropriately personal questions, comparing their results and looking for patterns.

Leaders are happier.


One of the biggest happy Aha! moments we had was realizing that the best leaders don’t put happiness second. They understand that if they are happier, the people around them will be happier; they will be better communicators and have a bigger impact.